New country, new life – "Life in China - Stories, Experiences and struggles told by Aupairs" – An Article Series by Anon Ming
It has been a year since this article series started and the journey let me to relive a lot of fond and important memories. Especially, since I got back in contact with many people, who went through the same stories as I did. Or I met more, who wanted to do something similar as I did.
I get quite excited when I get asked for recommendations and tips, because I truly want to help others not to repeat the same mistakes as I did or just say out loud the warnings usually ignored about problems, which seem so primitive and small, but can make a huge difference if expected.
That’s why, it is time again to get cozy, favorite mug and something festive playing in the background, because today the topic of this article will bring us right down to nitty gritty things. Differences. Especially the variances I encountered as an 18 year old thousands of kilometers away from home.
When I arrived in China I had been before to the Mainland and Taiwan, but my knowledge was limited, when it came to the culture and habits. Just learning the language wasn’t enough to life there.
During my 11 months abroad I started writing lists about things I noticed, which took me by surprise and a bit as a reminder for myself that this was something I needed to respect and keep in mind, when going out or being faced with such differentiating customs. Looking back I am quite happy I made those lists, because I can recollect my younger self’s brain better and now know much more about the reasons for some of my confusion.
After having finished all the preparation to become an Aupair it was time to say goodbye to Family and Friends. Get those suitcases packed and fly for hours to the other end of the world.
And I have to say I was more starry eyed than realizing how many dissimilarities existed.
What was the most interesting fact for me was especially the food culture in China. Before I had eaten at famous restaurants or had tried national dishes, but truly living in this country had showed me the importance of eating. Or the appreciation for food.
One of my first points on my lists was the fact restaurants often had two pairs of chopsticks. Different sizes and colors. Usually black and white. One pair was for taking the shared food from the middle of the table and placing it in your bowl; the other pair then was for your own personal use. I had never seen the distinction between chopsticks before. But in light of this, it is quite a good idea. Bacteria won’t be shared, the common bowls with dishes untouched by everyone’s saliva and it felt hygienic. Looking at how important the latter topic has become since 2020, I think this point was proven for myself to be quite relevant. Even though I noticed a few other habits around the table, which didn’t seem so logical to myself.
One of them was the constant spitting out of bones, wherever. And when I write WHEREVER, I mean everywhere. Be it the tabletop, floor, a plate, bowl,...choose. The first time I went to a restaurant with my guestfamily and the so petite & elegant host mother suddenly spit a huge bone on the floor, I stared at her wide eyed. Because dressed in fine fabrics and perfect make up I would have never expected such a move from her. But Jenny, my little girl, instantly taught me on the spot that this was normal. She explained to me that Chinese people loved meat with bones. And after I learned that fact I observed over the next months this information to be true. I never ate another dish without encountering a remnant of bones. While back home there was even fish sold without any choking hazards. The funniest thing was that after half a year I began to miss boneless meat. I wanted to eat stew without having to debone my meat first, a steak without any hard white bits.
This might seem such a small matter, but for my 18 year old self it was quite the revelation. I had never met anyone before, who had claimed to love sucking and chewing on bones more than just to eat the meat.
The second thing, which was quite the revelation to me was the fact of going to an outdoor dining place, be it a food stall, a restaurant, diner, etc. and you will always find most of the dishes pre-wrapped in plastic. Air tight. And the first thing everyone always did was order hot water, get out a bowl and wash every single WRAPPED dish in the water. I asked Jenny about why they did that, and my child answered that this was to assure hygiene and make eating safer.
I was truly baffled. Because first everything came already wrapped, plastic for me meant that something was clean or was prevented from getting dirty. And the fact that all that plastic was thrown out in the end and still everyone used water to wash the dishes. It seemed like something unnecessary or double the work. But now, looking back, it is a custom mostly done by Hongkongnese, however, adapted by many other people. Chinese and Taiwanese are still seen going to small restaurants and being offered with two pots. One has tea inside and the other hot water. Washing dishes at the table is a form of respect for the tradition and importance towards cleanliness and hygiene. The other is out of habit done over so many years. It isn’t entirely necessary for health concerns, but is favored if one does. Because it means one cares about the other person eating together with, when offering to wash the dishes for them. Another reason was also living through pandemics like SARS, during which the habit of washing dishes yourself to assure not to get sick arose once more.
And somehow my list really is a lot about eating habits, because continuing to go down, the next points were something that made me chuckle a bit. Be it just the rule for serving tea at the first meeting.
The day I arrived in China, I was of course tired, but the family didn’t miss the chance to offer me lotus root soup and after a quick nap I was invited for a nice tea ceremony. The host father, Olaf, was very fond of tea. He had bought different sets, and taught me the importance of different kinds of tea. The way each had to be boiled differently. He showed me how the tea was poured, because there was an entire artform behind it. Never pour tea for yourself first, always keep the guests in mind. Offering snacks was important too. Because such ceremonies or gatherings could go on for a long time. Talking and eating was quite usual. The snacks could range from crackers, dried fruits, nuts and small cakes. As little as the portions of the snacks were to not have your mouth full, were the tea cups as small. Normally when drinking tea I preferred the bigger the mug the better. I was quite stumped when I saw the small cups on the table. But Olaf and Jenny each taught me how it is respectful to slowly drink tea, to enjoy it in small quantities and how to thank the person serving the beverage. Tapping the tabletop with your fingers, pointy and middle, twice was a way to say thanks and not disturb an ongoing conversation.
Be it also for receiving cold or hot towels to wash your hands, or ordering over QR codes. Reminder, I went in 2017 to China, back then QR codes and paying with the phone weren’t the biggest thing in my home country and when I was faced in my first week to order online my food in a restaurant and have it brought by a server I looked quite dumbfounded. And my love for cash wasn’t as well received either. Preferred were Wechat payments. Credit Cards. Because every bill is usually checked by machines in stores and can take up time.
And time was always quite precious. I have never gone to restaurants in the world and received my food as fast as in China. And I don’t mean processed or fast food, real dishes and sometimes even complicated recipes. But I got so used to having my meal on the table after 10 or 15 minutes after having placed the order that I was stumped when coming back from China to adapt my own time feeling to my home’s.
All of these things I encountered quite fast after having come to China and they were something I would now give as advice not to forget when planning to become an Aupair or travel to China. Because how small such matters seem they can have a huge impact on your relationship with either guest families, hosts, business partners, etc.
Customs and culture are different from each country, and some put bigger importance on them than others. But it is respectful to do some research beforehand or after learning about them to continue them, integrate them in your daily life, just while you are staying in the respective country or around the people, who uphold their cultures traditions. Even when it comes to food, such details can be important when going to a new country and starting a new life over there.
It doesn’t mean for everyone to have culture classes or endless research sessions before going to a new country, it is still nice to learn things in the moment, and not every information on the internet is right. However, a little preparation before moving, traveling, work trip, etc. can be saving yourself from embarrassment, rudeness or just an awkward interaction.
And with that I will end today’s topic on the note that you never stop learning, because life never stops teaching!
Enjoy the last sip of your drink and enjoy the rest of the festive season. And maybe plan next year's trip, semester or excursion with some of my stories in mind.
A serial article, written by Anon Ming
